Category: Australia

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John Howard – Mastermind Champ

Australian Broadcasting Corporation

KERRY O’BRIEN: And now, John Clarke and Bryan Dawe with their own version of ‘Mastermind’.

(JOHN CLARKE AS JOHN HOWARD, BRYAN DAWE AS INTERVIEWER) INTERVIEWER: Your special subject is John Howard.

Your time starts now.

What will John Howard never bring in ever?

JOHN HOWARD: A GST.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

When did John Howard bring in a GST?

JOHN HOWARD: 1st July, 2000.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

What are weapons of mass destruction?

JOHN HOWARD: Hang on, is that George calling?

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

If you know people want a republic, how do you get them to vote against it?

JOHN HOWARD: You ask them to vote for a republic where they don’t get to vote for the president.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

What is the Kyoto agreement?

JOHN HOWARD: Something to do with coal pricing.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

What is the environment?

JOHN HOWARD: Pass.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

What were being thrown overboard into the sea just before the last election?

JOHN HOWARD: Nothing.

INTERVIEWER: I beg your pardon, I’m sorry, I misread that question.

What did John Howard say were being thrown overboard into the sea just before the election?

JOHN HOWARD: The children of asylum seekers.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

And what did he do to prove it?

JOHN HOWARD: Showed film of it not happening.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

And who told him the children were being thrown into the sea?

JOHN HOWARD: The Defence Minister said he had been told that by the Navy.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

And what did the Minister for Defence do when the Navy denied that?

JOHN HOWARD: He resigned and got a job selling defence contracts to the Australian Government.

INTERVIEWER: And was there a conflict of interest involved?

JOHN HOWARD: No, it was Peter Reith.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

What about some of the other people in the Howard ministry when they retired?

Where have they retired to?

JOHN HOWARD: They’ve got jobs with companies dealing in the area where they used to be the minister.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

And would this have been worked out beforehand?

JOHN HOWARD: Shut your face.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

What does the expression ‘integrity’ mean?

JOHN HOWARD: I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

If you made a promise and don’t keep it, what is it?

JOHN HOWARD: A non-core promise.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

Who can get married in Australia?

JOHN HOWARD: Marriage is between men and women.

INTERVIEWER: What if they don’t like each other?

JOHN HOWARD: It doesn’t matter if they hate each other’s guts, as long as one of them is a man and one of them is a woman.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

Why don’t we have to listen to senior members of the Defence community criticise the Government on defence?

JOHN HOWARD: Because they’re too old.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

Why don’t we have to listen to ex-public servants criticising the Government’s use of research information?

JOHN HOWARD: Well, they’re the scum of the earth, aren’t they, public servants?

INTERVIEWER: Can you be more specific?

JOHN HOWARD: Get stuffed.

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

And at the end of the round, your house is worth three times what you paid for it.

JOHN HOWARD: My house is worth three times what I paid for it!

INTERVIEWER: Congratulations!

JOHN HOWARD: Thanks.

Oh, fantastic!

INTERVIEWER: Low interests rates — you’re worth a bloody fortune.

JOHN HOWARD: Jeez, he’s great, that John Howard, isn’t he?

INTERVIEWER: Correct.

KERRY O’BRIEN: ‘Mastermind’ a la John Clarke and Bryan Dawe.

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Kev at the Rudder

Labor is way ahead in the polls at present and Kevin Rudd is already delineating the positives his ALP team has to offer the people of Australia – fairness in jobs, education and health and a long term workable plan for the environment.

He rightly points out the disgrace that our manufacturing sector has become under Howard and highlights the solution – brain-based industries, where Australia can pull above its weight. We expect Rudd to support this profitable vision of hope by announcing a healthy revival in funding for education of ALL Australians, not just the private school toffs, and support for these industries.

Kev is an articulate, intelligent, decent fellow. He has already successfully demolished the hollow neocon laissez faire robber baron trickle down pseudo philosophies which bankrupt ordinary Australians to benefit the already stinking rich, illustrating how immoral and hypocritically anti-family they are.

We don’t foresee any further encumbrances for the ALP – the party will unify under Rudd and totally annihilate Team Rodent at the next election.

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Up Yours, Howard

Good one, Elton. Should have mentioned Howard’s elevation to GG of the pedo priest protector Hollingworth while he was at it.

Pop star Sir Elton John has criticised Australian Prime Minister John Howard’s position on gay marriage.

The musician, on an Australian tour, was asked if he had a message for Howard, whose government overruled a local law allowing gay unions in June.

“Up yours!” replied the outspoken star, who “married” his partner David Furnish in a civil ceremony last year.

The issue of gay marriage has been high on the political agenda in Australia in recent months.

The Australian Capital Territory – the area around Canberra – became the first part of the country to legally recognise gay relationships when it voted on the issue in May this year.

But many members of Mr Howard’s conservative government opposed the change, and the law was invalidated.

‘Not homophobic’

Attorney General Philip Ruddock said that federal law clearly defined marriage as being only between a man and a woman.

Mr Howard denied the move was homophobic. “It is not a question of discriminating against them,” he said.

“It is a question of preserving as an institution in our society marriage as having a special character.

“If you look at the legislation, what it effectively says, a civil union is not a marriage, but it will be treated for all purposes as being equivalent to a marriage,” he added.

Sir Elton has long been an advocate of gay rights, and caused an outcry earlier this month when he called for organised religion to be banned, and accused it of trying to “turn hatred towards gay people”.

Organised religion lacked compassion and turned people into “hateful lemmings”, he told the Observer Music Monthly magazine.

But the musician said he loved the idea of the teachings of Jesus Christ and said there were many gays he knew who loved their religion.

He added he would continue to fight for gay rights, “whether I do it silently behind the scenes or so vocally that I get locked up”.

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Why focus on Israel?

Exposing Israel’s net propaganda helps prevent Israel getting away with further social injustices. These ongoing heinous injustices and flagrant aggressions have majorly contributed to very real grievances, providing fuel for terrorism against the west of which Australia is part.

We object to our current Australian government’s ill-considered, slavish pro-United States/Israeli policies – Howard’s partisan foolishness puts Australia in a very bad light and in this regard he does not serve our nation’s interests in *our* region – in fact he has increased our danger. Israel is regarded by nearly every country in the world as a pariah state because of its flaunting of international law and most especially for its hideous illegal occupation. Australia is now seen to be backing Israel’s lawlessness, which does not promote our nation’s prestige and security with our neighbours. Through Howard’s blatant favouritism, Australia has lost moral ground, not that it had much in the first place, considering its own history of settler colonial criminality and genocide.

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Howard’s cynical use of the ADF – duped!

About time our media gave Australian voices rejecting the illegal Iraq invasion the attention they deserve.

THE former SAS officer who devised and executed the Iraq war plan for Australia’s special forces says that the nation’s involvement has been a strategic and moral blunder.

Peter Tinley, who was decorated for his military service in Afghanistan and Iraq, has broken ranks to condemn the Howard Government over its handling of the war and has called for an immediate withdrawal of Australian troops.

“It was a cynical use of the Australian Defence Force by the Government,” the ex-SAS operations officer told The Weekend Australian yesterday.

“This war duped the Australian Defence Force and the Australian people in terms of thinking it was in some way legitimate.”